TOP 6 TIPS TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP
So, I dated this one girl, who led me down several
bad paths. It started when we we’re 18, she introduced me to
the dark world, but at the time our love was forbidden. So we turned to
negative ways of dealing with our anger. We blamed everyone for our problems
because we didn’t have anything else to pin our constant fails. As things got
worse, our behavior got worse toward each other. We we’re lacking everything
from communication to trust, and it led us down a slippery road to a break up.
Our
relationship went on for a couple of years, but it was more like a forced, we
are the only ones like us, abusive relationship which lacked every aspect of a
healthy successful relationship.
This is a pertinent
question that we have asked ourselves from time to time…….. why is building a successful relationship so hard? But before we get to that I will like you to
ask yourself some questions. It might make
you feel uncomfortable and that’s okay. You might dislike me for a moment. But
they’re important, so read carefully, take a deep breath and be honest with
yourself. Ready? Lets go. Was it financial instability, lack of commitment ,
communication skills and control exerted by one or the other ? you will find
out that the relationship didn’t work for a reason you just realized now or the
one you haven’t figured out yet.why? because if you or your partner was so
great then you will still be together. Try and look back and realize that
there are many annoying flaws you need to eradicate before engaging in a successful relationship.
Why are relationships so hard?
Initially before any relationship,
everyone put on their best behavior to gain attention or to
make it favor you.
It will work initially but in the long run, you or your partner can not hide
the annoying personality traits that you drag on with you which will burst like
a broken ATM that’s spewing out cash as conflicts and disagreement between you
and your partner.
Each and everyone of us should know that
when you meet someone special, both your personality traits are invisible. You
have no idea what the other person traits are until you get further in the
relationship. It is time to look and have better understanding of the common
annoying personality traits you and your partner are carrying around .it is
also deciding it is time to learn the essentials of a successful relationship.
Compromise is
about giving some and taking some. Knowing what is truly important to your
partner can go a long way towards building goodwill and an atmosphere of
compromise. On the flip side, it’s also important for your partner to recognize
your wants and for you to state them clearly. If you have a relationship where
you are giving more, but receiving less, it can feel like you are the only one
working in the relationship. Or if you are only receiving, it can make the
other person resent you.
Remember if you constantly put yourself first, your
partner is going to become your enemy faster than you may think. But at the
same time make sure you aren’t just biting your tongue when you need or want
something from this other person.
A
lack of compromise can make a relationship more challenging in several places,
like going out to dinner. I want Chinese and you want Mexican, but because
neither of us is willing to compromise, it will end in a fight, and possibly no
dinner. People tend to thing love conquers all but people are independent with
their own unique needs and personalities. Just because we found someone we want
to spend our lives with doesn’t mean we give up our own identity in the
process.
Communication
an important aspect of a relationship. Good communication is a
fundamental part of a healthy relationship. When people stop communicating
well, they stop relating well, and times of change or stress can really bring
out disconnect.The reason being is that, if I can’t communicate my needs,
wants, and feelings to you, how am I to know I can trust and can depend on you.
It is important to build strong communication skills, because in a relationship
there is going to be a lot of times were you are going to need to say things
that the other person does that bothers you, or ask for things you need or
want.
Talk to each other – just because you love each
other doesn’t mean you will be able to communicate well or can read your
partner’s mind, or that they can read yours. Communicate your needs – don’t
wait for your partner to try to guess what is going on with you. If you have
something to bring up, do it gently – going on the attack rarely gets you what
you want. .Listen to each other – often we are so busy defending ourselves that
we don’t hear what our partner is saying. Let your partner know that you have
heard them before you give them your response.
Always communicate the things you need to
communicate in a respectful manner, so the other person doesn’t feel attacked.
If you are talking to them about how they leave their clothes in the bathroom,
say “Hey, I really don’t like how you leave your clothes lying on the bathroom
floor, can you please pick them up and put them in the hamper” is one
assertive, but non-confrontational way of going about it.
If two people can’t find a way to openly and
honestly communicate their needs and feelings to one another, the relationship
doesn’t stand much of a chance long-term. Couples must find a way to
communicate regularly, openly, and directly. While being respectful to each
other’s feelings.
Look
at it this way, you have been living alone for three years, and your
significant other moves in. Now you have another person you have to communicate
with in a living environment. You learn their nightly routines, the way they
make the bed, what they do with their dirty clothes. This learning process can
being challenging even for the most communication adept couples, imagine how
challenging it would be if you can’t even tell this person how what they are
doing makes you feel.
If you don’t build this strong regular
communication, a relationship may seem stable on the surface, however, lack of
involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about
something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
Choose Your Battles Carefully. It is
important to know when to let the other person win arguments. The reason for
this is, do you really want a full out war over a tooth paste cap?Or would you
rather reserve your energy for the discussions over finances, kids, and career
paths (you know, the things that might really matter to a person). Arguing is
bound to happen, but knowing when to just say, “You’re right, I will fix it”
can save a lot of trouble and pain in the long run.
This also includes compromise and communication,
because you are able to back away, and take the other persons side, and
communicate that adjustments will be made. Showing your partner that you are
completely willing to work with them, and find a solution to the problem.
Pick your battles wisely. Even if you disagree with
someone or have the need to tell them “I told you so,” it’s best to move on and
let it go. No one wants to hear a lecture. If they make mistakes let it roll
off your back. People make mistakes, don’t badger them about their mistakes.
Don’t live in the past and don’t bring up the things they did in the past now.
When huge arguments do erupt, don’t say things you
may regret, and don’t point things out about; their past, the things they do
that bother you, or anything unrelated to the argument. If you need to walk
away and analyze the situation, and come back to it on a fresh point of view,
after you have had some time to think it over.
Don’t
hide Your Needs. None of us like feeling disappointed. But, did you
ever stop and think that maybe you didn't get your needs filled because you
didn’t specify what you really wanted? Even if it seems uncomfortable, always be
honest in what you want or need.This has a lot to do with compromise,
and communication as well, because, just like your partner has things they want
out of the relationship, you have things too, and you have a right to be heard.Sometimes
when we enter into a long-term relationship, we put ourselves second, behind
the other person’s needs and desires. Talk to your partner about your changing
needs and you will find that the relationship will function better because both
people’s needs are being met.
This also includes a need to go at it assertively,
but non-confrontationally. If you attack your partner because you need them to
spend more time with you, they are going to do the exact opposite. But if you
let them know, “Hey, you aren’t spending enough time with me and I would really
like it if you would make more time for me” they will be more inclined to do
so.
Your needs are important, and learning to express
them is also important. Sit down and talk to your partner about what you would
like to see from them, the relationship, and yourself, and you will find that
communication will improve.
Physical
Intimacy is an important part of long term relationships. But this also means, consent is a huge part
of it. When you and your
partner start talking about your sexual relationship and what each of you want
from it, remember consent is a clear yes, not a maybe, if you want to. It is
given without pressuring the other person to do it.There is this
adage that goes like this “drink water from your own cistern?
Fuel your partner
passion and find creative ways of making him or she fall in love with you again
and again. Comparing your partner with your ex in terms of sex is not healthy
for a successful relationship because sex is very personal and a physical way of
uniting with your partner, soul, mind, body and personality. Enjoy what your
partner has and be exceptional to find ways to make it exciting when you don’t
enjoy it. To know more on how to make
your partner to love you and have fantastic sex with you. click here http://goo.gl/UGRaLQ
Also it is ACE, so when it
comes to consent, I want you to remember your AC Es:
Affirmative
Coherent
Enthusiastic
Coherent
Enthusiastic
Affirmative meaning, they are say YES,
they want what is happening. Coherent if they are too drunk to drive, they are
too drunk to give proper consent. Enthusiastic, not only are they not on drugs,
and saying yes, they are into it, they are saying I like that, keep going and
yes. Remember to check in with your partner and yourself.
As you can tell, communication is a huge
part here, because without communication, you would stand the risk of hurting
someone you care about, and nobody wants that. Keep an open mind, and keep your
ears open, as your partner may need to communicate with you.
Do not be afraid
to say no if you don’t want something to happen, or if you are not liking what is
happening. It is always okay to change your mind, it is always okay to say no. is very brave to communicate that need of
things to slow down and you should never be ashamed to admit that.
You know yourself
best. Don’t be afraid to experiment with your partner and learn what you like,
and what they like.
Get
close, don’t be afraid to hold their hand in public, and don’t be afraid to
kiss them. Cuddle with them, it will help you bond, this is because when we
cuddle, a bonding hormone called Oxycontin is released and makes us closer to
the person we are cuddling with.
Be ready for change in a good way, it will best
prepare you for change in the real world, watch for their cues, whether they are
giving good cues or bad cues, watch for them, and check in with your partner,
this gives you a great idea of how they are responding to the changes
happening, and it allows you to learn body language.
Don’t
underestimate the importance of trust and honesty. This
one includes all of the steps above because, if your partner can’t trust that
you are going to be there for them and that you aren’t going to hurt them then
you aren’t going to have a healthy successful relationship. This applies both ways, you want to find
someone you can depend on. Someone who will tell you the things they need from
you and the things they are doing.
Ask yourself the following questions: In general, is
your partner reliable and dependable? Can you count on your partner as the
“rock” in your life? What about you for your partner? If you answer no to these
questions you probably shouldn’t enter a relationship with this person, you
need to be able to rely on them to support you.
Now this doesn’t mean that you or your partner aren’t
going to lie sometimes and these little things where your significant other
hasn’t been completely honest shouldn’t be blown out of proportion,
because , everybody tells little white lies, especially while dating. The
lies I am talking about are the big ones, like; “I love animals” then they go
and fight you every time you suggest getting a pet. Or they are cheating and
they say you are in a monogamous relationship. Make sure you are communicating
any changes happening in the relationship, anything you are doing outside of
you and your partner’s relationship.
Strong relationships should be with people who you
admire, trust and cherish – they are ever-changing, engaging, wonderfully
rewarding and sometimes surprising.
Now you have my advice, build strong communication
skills, listen, compromise, and pick your battles, these things make for a
healthy relationship cake. Now go have fun and date on!
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